Creating Unreasonable Expectations or Short Changing Our Children
I will preface this blog by stating that I'm very aware that I'm not as young as I once was, so my views are changing some as time passes. I also know that over the years there have been advancements that have changed how we live our daily lives. Having said that, I think that many of these changes have made life more difficult for parents.
We all want to do the very best we can for our children. My parents did more for us than their parents, as we did more for our children than was done for me and my siblings. All in the belief that it's exactly what we should have done; give them more than we had. As I reflect on this, I believe that this way of thinking may be wrong. Especially upon listening to some young adults who feel they were somehow deprived because they didn't have all the things that their peers may have. This is the same belief and attitude they are passing on to their children.
I'm all for giving our children the opportunities to succeed in life, but in doing so there needs to be an expectation that they will put everything they can into succeeding. If we constantly offer opportunities with no rules as to what we expect, then what will make them give it their all? They will tire of it and just sit back and wait for us to provide the next thing for them to do.
The same thing goes for what we give to them, whether it be for their birthday, Christmas or some other holiday. If we lead them to believe that they should receive many gifts for each event, what will they expect when they are adults? Then there are all the lessons, sports, and constant events they are involved in. Is it any wonder that they are impossible to live with when they get home? All they have done is run from one place to another; always being entertained.
We are doing our children a disservice by giving them so much, and running all the time. They need to understand that although they are important, so is the family unit and time at home being a family. That quiet, calm time will give them a sense of safety and security, and allow parents to stop and breathe. Time to parent without constant distractions.
Things have changed over the years, but there are some things that children need to understand:
We all want to do the very best we can for our children. My parents did more for us than their parents, as we did more for our children than was done for me and my siblings. All in the belief that it's exactly what we should have done; give them more than we had. As I reflect on this, I believe that this way of thinking may be wrong. Especially upon listening to some young adults who feel they were somehow deprived because they didn't have all the things that their peers may have. This is the same belief and attitude they are passing on to their children.
I'm all for giving our children the opportunities to succeed in life, but in doing so there needs to be an expectation that they will put everything they can into succeeding. If we constantly offer opportunities with no rules as to what we expect, then what will make them give it their all? They will tire of it and just sit back and wait for us to provide the next thing for them to do.
The same thing goes for what we give to them, whether it be for their birthday, Christmas or some other holiday. If we lead them to believe that they should receive many gifts for each event, what will they expect when they are adults? Then there are all the lessons, sports, and constant events they are involved in. Is it any wonder that they are impossible to live with when they get home? All they have done is run from one place to another; always being entertained.
We are doing our children a disservice by giving them so much, and running all the time. They need to understand that although they are important, so is the family unit and time at home being a family. That quiet, calm time will give them a sense of safety and security, and allow parents to stop and breathe. Time to parent without constant distractions.
Things have changed over the years, but there are some things that children need to understand:
- Without you they would not be here.
- If parents don't take care of themselves, they will have nothing to give their children.
- Parents are responsible for providing love, shelter, food and clothing; everything above and beyond that is a bonus.
- On birthdays they will get a gift and a party; not a multitude of gifts and several parties.
- You will provide as many opportunities as you can financially provide.
- Vacations are a luxury and subject to affordability.
- Children need to have some ownership (or skin in the game) to appreciate positive outcomes.
- They are a part of the family team, and have responsibilities as a team member.
Love your children, keep them safe and do what you can to ensure a good and successful life. However, don't give them too much or in the end, it will never be enough.
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