Tell Me What I Do Right

There are many parents who do an excellent job of giving the right mix of praise and constructive criticism to their children.  You can see it in their children who have a healthy self-esteem, the ability to move forward when they make a mistake, and good social skills.

Then there are those who give too much praise – to the point of making their children believe that everything they do is right. We all know that is not possible, and only sets them up for disappointment when they do fail as they won’t know how to move forward from there. They also don’t know how to allow others to come first as they are used to being the center of attention.

And there are those who only seem to tell their children what they do wrong. We all see it every day when we are out in public. The child who is being corrected for all they do and never receiving a word of praise. I can only imagine how heart breaking it is for them to always hear nothing but negative feedback from their parents. Every time this happens it is another blow to their self-esteem. With low self-esteem comes the inability to feel comfortable in social situations, and sets them up for failure.

It breaks my heart when I see the sadness, and at times anger, in their eyes. I can only imagine these children are thinking to themselves, “Please, once, just one time for a change, tell me what I do right.”

Every child needs to hear praise for what they do well in order to build confidence and encourage success. They also need to have constructive criticism (not yelling or degrading language) so they will know when to adjust behavior. This allows them to learn how to become a welcomed member in their social group, and society as a whole.

Parents, please take the time to listen to yourself and think how you would feel if the same language and behavior were being directed at you. Perhaps if you do, then your approach with your children will change. Then they won’t ever have to think again, “Please, once, just one time for a change, tell me what I do right.”