When Do You Take Choice Away?

There is no good choice, when it comes to taking choice away from a loved one. I cannot think of anyone who wants to make that decision. Free will to make our own decisions is something that we hold on to, even when we may know we have come to the point where we need help. 

Family members that are caregivers sometimes feel as if they are walking on a tightrope. They want to allow their spouse, significant other, or parent to make decisions for as long as possible. It is not natural to treat them as if they are a child who cannot make decisions. We want to believe that nothing is wrong, that they are the same person we have known for many years.

The changes sometimes happen very slowly which makes it difficult to see that they are losing the ability to make decisions. We may brush it off for a while, but eventually, it becomes crystal clear that they need our assistance in ways they never did in the past.

It can be a simple thing such as mathematical tasks or spelling, remembering appointments or days of the week. Handling phone calls to address issues that were once easy for them, they now pass to you to handle. The smaller things are easier for them to pass on for assistance. As long as they hold on to the bigger decisions, they feel they are still in control of their lives.

In time the issues become much larger, and they are the ones we have difficulty approaching. We do not want them to feel that we don't trust them. Everyday things like driving to places they have always gone may not be as easy or comfortable for them. As time passes, they will not go anywhere that is not familiar. Where we once had no concerns as they went out the door, we now worry about the possibility of accidents, and pray that they make it home safely. We can only hope that they will recognize when they should no longer drive and make the decision to stop on their own.

Our independence is so very hard to give up, and the last thing we will. It is all we have left of the life we have always known. As a caregiver, we will wait as long as possible before we take away their independence, and hope in the end we do not wait too long.

It is a no-win situation for anyone involved.