Coping Skills
If you take a look around today it is apparent that many people have no coping skills. The smallest thing that doesn't go the way they expect it to and they lose it. Pitch a fit, lose their temper, cry or just totally fall apart. No ability to think things through, to evaluate the situation, and come up with a solution. Always looking for someone else to "fix" things for them, or worse, blaming others for what has gone wrong.
Coping skills are taught, and I'm not sure when parents stopped teaching them. In the effort to make all children believe they are winners every time, we have failed them in so many ways. Not everyone wins, not everyone gets to play, and not everyone can be on the team. Those are very basic truths and children need to learn this and be taught how to cope. If they don't make the team it is not the end of the world. It just means that there is something else that is a better fit for them.
It isn't easy for children to learn these lessons when many adults around them are unable to cope in the face of adversity. From parents, to coaches, and the sports figures and celebrities they look up to, they see examples of how not to react to difficult situations. At best they see bad behavior and language, and worst case scenario they see them react with violence. How can we expect children to know how to cope if they have no positive example to follow.
As the years have gone by I have learned to be much calmer and to think things through before reacting. There are certain things in life we have control over, and many things we do not. Recognizing the difference is key. Losing it over the things we can't control is a waste of time and a bad example.
Regaining control and learning to cope takes a little time as we retrain how we react. There are some very basic skills that can be used to help in this endeavor.
1. Take a deep breath.
2. Stop and think.
3. Count to ten.
4. Take a walk.
5. Talk to a friend.
6. Imagine being in a calm place.
7. Write things down.
8. Listen to music.
9. Talk your self through it.
10. Find something in the situation you can laugh at - humor always helps.
If we are able to remain calm and find a solution to whatever issue we come up against, then things will not seem so overwhelming. Our positive approach to adversity will teach our children how to handle life's obstacles.
Coping skills are taught, and I'm not sure when parents stopped teaching them. In the effort to make all children believe they are winners every time, we have failed them in so many ways. Not everyone wins, not everyone gets to play, and not everyone can be on the team. Those are very basic truths and children need to learn this and be taught how to cope. If they don't make the team it is not the end of the world. It just means that there is something else that is a better fit for them.
It isn't easy for children to learn these lessons when many adults around them are unable to cope in the face of adversity. From parents, to coaches, and the sports figures and celebrities they look up to, they see examples of how not to react to difficult situations. At best they see bad behavior and language, and worst case scenario they see them react with violence. How can we expect children to know how to cope if they have no positive example to follow.
As the years have gone by I have learned to be much calmer and to think things through before reacting. There are certain things in life we have control over, and many things we do not. Recognizing the difference is key. Losing it over the things we can't control is a waste of time and a bad example.
Regaining control and learning to cope takes a little time as we retrain how we react. There are some very basic skills that can be used to help in this endeavor.
1. Take a deep breath.
2. Stop and think.
3. Count to ten.
4. Take a walk.
5. Talk to a friend.
6. Imagine being in a calm place.
7. Write things down.
8. Listen to music.
9. Talk your self through it.
10. Find something in the situation you can laugh at - humor always helps.
If we are able to remain calm and find a solution to whatever issue we come up against, then things will not seem so overwhelming. Our positive approach to adversity will teach our children how to handle life's obstacles.
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