My Father's Absence

Although it's been twenty-plus years since my father's passing, I still miss him. There are some days when I feel his absence more than others; with the arrival of Father's Day there have been many of these days.

My father was not a perfect man; like everyone he had his flaws. However, he was a good man. He was very intelligent and had a sharp wit and good sense of humor. He also had a good heart and treated people fairly, regardless of social status or race.

He was strict when it came to his daughters, but what father wouldn't be? Even though I rebelled as a teenager, I came to understand his reasons when I became a parent. He was only trying to protect us from the bad in the world.

I remember him bringing candy bars home in his lunch pail for us and taking us for a ride on Sundays. Sometimes in the summer we would go to the lake for a cookout, or pile in the car to see a movie at the drive-in theater. He also taught us fun things like reciting the alphabet backwards as he was taught as a child.

My father worked hard to support our family, and all his children inherited his work ethic. We learned that if you wanted anything in life you had to work for it; nothing would just be handed to you.

He had some old sayings that I attribute to his Vermont upbringing - some I found very amusing:

•  Don't tell tales out of school. (don't gossip)
•  Don't count your chickens before they are hatched. (nothing is certain until it has happened)
• If you put your problems in a pile with everyone else's you would take your own back. (your problems don't seem so bad compared to what others deal with)
•  If you want something done right, then do it yourself. (nobody will do things the way you do)
•  Number than a pounded thumb. (someone not too bright)
•  You wouldn't want your children sitting in the corner picking their nose. (if he heard someone say their children were too active - he believed a smart child was a busy child)
• His (or her) mouth is running like a whippoorwill's a_ _. (they talk too much)
• That's like the pot calling the kettle black. (criticizing another for something you have done)

I'm sure there are many more I don't recall right now, but I still find myself using them today.

As my father aged, he became very hard of hearing; too many years working around heavy equipment as a master mechanic. His phone calls were very difficult as he refused to wear a hearing aid, and he couldn't understand much of what I said. After repeating myself many times, I would finally do more listening than talking. I'm sure he was happy that I would listen to his old stories.

So, with Father's Day here, I am feeling his absence and missing him more than usual. As difficult as those phone conversations were, I would give anything to receive one and listen as he shared an old story once more.