Don't Judge What You Don't Understand - A Timely Reminder
The good ole' boy network, boys will be boys, or whatever terminology they want to use, it's apparent that once again women are being disparaged and dismissed. Mocked by men in power as ones who should not be believed, and even worse, in the same breath excusing or defending the men who have been the abusers. For every step that has been taken forward, in the end so much remains the same. I wonder at times what it's going to take for this behavior to be unacceptable; not only to men, but also the women who have not believed what their sisters have gone through.
When men came out after many years to say they were abused by priests nobody questioned whether it happened, or why they didn't say something years ago. So why is disbelief the first reaction people have when a woman comes out to say she was sexually assaulted in the past? Their abuse was just as traumatic, and as difficult to talk about; plus the fear and shame they felt at the time prevented them from speaking out.
I am running this blog again to remind people not to judge when they have not experienced this trauma; instead they should try to understand and have some compassion.
From December 2017:
There is much debate today regarding the sexual assault/harassment charges coming out after many years of silence. Some choose not to believe because of the delayed accusations. Considering there are those holding, or running, for political office who have been accused with no repercussion, I guess some might have doubt. I say to those people don't judge what you don't understand.
Some of this comes from a difference in how women and men think. I have had conversations with men close to me and they tend to believe the accusations may not be true because the women didn't speak up at the time. I remind them they are thinking like men. They don't know what it feels like to be sexually assaulted or harassed, and fear speaking out. Fear because the person involved is powerful or they may hold your career in their hands. There is also fear that nobody will believe you; that either you "asked" for it, or that you are just out for a monetary settlement. I ask them, have you ever felt you had to "give in" because you might possibly fear any of the above, or for your life?
There are also younger women that I have talked to who don't understand; who question why women said nothing all those years ago. I remind them they are fortunate to have been born at a time when they are empowered to speak out and not feel pressured to do what they don't want to out of fear. They have no idea how things were so long ago; how women didn't have all the rights and power they have today. Even I, at 63, have not had to endure what many did in the past, and am grateful to the women who fought before me to make things better.
I was recently reminded of something Susan B. Anthony said in 1894, before women had the right to vote:
"We shall someday be heeded, and when we shall have our amendment to the Constitution to the United States, everybody will think it was always so, just exactly as many young people believe that all the privileges, all the freedom, all the enjoyments which woman now possesses always were hers. They have no idea of how every single inch of ground that she stands upon today has been gained by the hard work of some little handful of women of the past."
When men came out after many years to say they were abused by priests nobody questioned whether it happened, or why they didn't say something years ago. So why is disbelief the first reaction people have when a woman comes out to say she was sexually assaulted in the past? Their abuse was just as traumatic, and as difficult to talk about; plus the fear and shame they felt at the time prevented them from speaking out.
I am running this blog again to remind people not to judge when they have not experienced this trauma; instead they should try to understand and have some compassion.
From December 2017:
There is much debate today regarding the sexual assault/harassment charges coming out after many years of silence. Some choose not to believe because of the delayed accusations. Considering there are those holding, or running, for political office who have been accused with no repercussion, I guess some might have doubt. I say to those people don't judge what you don't understand.
Some of this comes from a difference in how women and men think. I have had conversations with men close to me and they tend to believe the accusations may not be true because the women didn't speak up at the time. I remind them they are thinking like men. They don't know what it feels like to be sexually assaulted or harassed, and fear speaking out. Fear because the person involved is powerful or they may hold your career in their hands. There is also fear that nobody will believe you; that either you "asked" for it, or that you are just out for a monetary settlement. I ask them, have you ever felt you had to "give in" because you might possibly fear any of the above, or for your life?
There are also younger women that I have talked to who don't understand; who question why women said nothing all those years ago. I remind them they are fortunate to have been born at a time when they are empowered to speak out and not feel pressured to do what they don't want to out of fear. They have no idea how things were so long ago; how women didn't have all the rights and power they have today. Even I, at 63, have not had to endure what many did in the past, and am grateful to the women who fought before me to make things better.
I was recently reminded of something Susan B. Anthony said in 1894, before women had the right to vote:
"We shall someday be heeded, and when we shall have our amendment to the Constitution to the United States, everybody will think it was always so, just exactly as many young people believe that all the privileges, all the freedom, all the enjoyments which woman now possesses always were hers. They have no idea of how every single inch of ground that she stands upon today has been gained by the hard work of some little handful of women of the past."
Her words ring as true today as they did in 1894, and I am humbled by those who came before me and fought so hard. Before you judge what others did, put yourself in their shoes and try to understand what they endured, and give thanks to those who fought to make our lives better.
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