Shock, Denial, Resentment, Sadness and Acceptance

 At some point in life, millions of people will be faced with a family member who is diagnosed with a serious illness or disease. We may be confronted with it early in life, or it will hit us in later years. Either way, we will embark on a journey filled with many phases and emotions.

Even though we may notice changes in our loved one, we have a tendency to attribute it to a bad day or maybe a seasonal illness such as a cold or flu. Eventually, when the bad day or seasonal illness does not pass, we will be faced with having to admit it might be something more serious. With that admission will come many trips to doctors for a diagnosis.

It may take some time for a diagnosis, however, once it comes most of us are never prepared for what we hear. Thus, our first emotion on this journey appears; shock. When we first hear the words, we will be in shock and ask ourselves "how could this happen"? We will try to ask all the questions we need to ask, and take in the options they give for treatment, however not all of it will sink in right away. We will be numb, and at the same time fearful of what our loved one, and we, are faced with.

Of course, human nature will take us quickly to phase two; denial. Although the truth may be right in front of us, we will not want to admit this is our new reality. It is easier to deny this is happening to our family than to face the changes to come. We tell ourselves that things will turn around and everything will be as it was. We hope and pray, trying to remain optimistic, but the denial will not make it so.

As our journey stretches out and we begin to realize what our new reality is, we will inevitably come to resentment. An emotion that will leave us with a lot of guilt for even feeling this when it comes to our loved one. However, we will not have control over this emotion we feel, and we will ask selfish questions such as "why is this happening to us?", "why do I have to deal with this?", or even make statements such as "I did not sign up for this". With each question or statement, we will feel guilt.

More and more time passes, bringing us to our next stop which is sadness. The sadness we feel for all that will be lost, for the plans that will never happen, for the hopes and dreams that are swept away, for the limited time we will have with them. Sadness that they will eventually forget so much as the illness or disease takes its toll. Some days there will never be enough tears to wash away the sadness. 

This heartbreaking trip will take us on a roller coaster of emotions and will eventually bring us to acceptance. Not that we will ever fully accept what has transpired. However, we will accept that this is the journey we are on with our loved one. We will cherish every moment and make the best of every day. We will lose our way every now and then and may lose patience, cry tears of frustration and sadness, or long for a normal day, but we will do all that we can to ensure our loved one is well taken care of and know they are loved. 

We will travel this road and hold on tight to every day we have with them and cherish each precious memory. These memories will fill our heart and soul forever.